So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
