I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
