Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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