Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
