you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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