literally had 100 drinks last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
