We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
