I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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