Don't make out with my wife yet
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
