I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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