tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
