Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
