went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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