Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
