By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i think i just lost a toe
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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