Welp...herpes.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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