My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
