I'm eating all of the evidence.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
