And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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