hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
