I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
