TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
