also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Holy sore nipples Batman
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
