super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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