her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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