Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your shirt... Was in my pants
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
