I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize