If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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