I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
