so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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