I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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