WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize