you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
