she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
