everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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