i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
