The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize