and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
