Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
