I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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