it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
