I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
