pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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