I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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