the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
