Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
