I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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