I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
