OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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