The police scanner is talking about you again....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
