hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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