He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
