My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
