I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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