She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
