There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
