I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize