Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
