He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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