I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
