a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
