Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
how drunk are you?
Several
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