Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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