Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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