Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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