tell your sister to shave her snatch
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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