If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
