I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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