I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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