KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
