She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
