My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
