I feel great
I just peed on a car
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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